I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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