I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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