At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
