Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
