Me too!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
