Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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