you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
