Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
