I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
