Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
