I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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