I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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