My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
