at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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