Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
