I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need to calm my uterus...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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