True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
