I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
