Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
