I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
try to milk me bitch
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
