I wish I could punch you in the face.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
