You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
