Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
