are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
