I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
