just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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