Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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