last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
sex in a hospital.. check
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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