I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
