You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
