That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
