you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize