just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
