please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
