He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
