Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
