oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
