is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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