He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
