If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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