after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
