that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
