paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My cat gives me a boner
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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