Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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