I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
