He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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