people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
