i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
