I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She's not a foreskin expert like you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
