That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
