Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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