Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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