you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
