ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
