Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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