k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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