I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
