Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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