I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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