Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this boner is exhausting
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
