And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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