I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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