There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
