The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the day after is always just damage control
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
