I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
