on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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