ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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