it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
