Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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