i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
