I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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