I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i need an iv and a liver transplant
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it hurts more in the daytime
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
