Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
