I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
