U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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