Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
